The Doll Maker and the Doula

by Catherine Lewis

There are so many layers to this story. To skim along the surface doesn't seem quite enough, but to delve too deeply will be long and circular, spiraling, non linear, and lead us in directions that far transcend the limits of a piece for this fair newsletter! So I will take the middle ground and begin by saying... it is a grand awakening, shifting world that we are living in right now, and as the ninth and final wave of the Mayan comes to a close, and the new world age beckons at the edges of our consciousness, the tap tap tapping at the door of our unified souls whispers change...whispers, no, speaks, no yells and hollers, and sometimes howls with the impermanence of life, and the liberation that comes from realizing that somewhere, embedded in the drama, the mystery of our creative mastery is revealed, like a shining jewel hiding in the blackened ashes. 

The weekend of Labor Day was crackling with excitement... I was far from my home in Smithville, attending a conference entitled "Rethinking Everything". The tribe of souls that had gathered were a beautiful array of families and individuals who had come together to explore a new way of being.. a new way of living.. and we were there to talk about it, to listen to others who had broken away from the main stream status quo to follow their dreams and passions. Many of us were exploring the idea of raising our children free from the confines of institutionalized education. We were healers, teachers, seers, visionaries, artists, musicians, moms, dads, grandparents, children of all ages, pioneers adventurers!! 

What an awesome conference! I felt so blessed to be sharing it all with my son Gabriel and his girlfriend Rowan, who were having a blast, and when my lover showed up to share the last day and a half with me at the conference, we walked outside to talk about the profound affect being there was having on us, and to enjoy the cool north wind that was kicking up and giving us a refreshing break from the scorching heat of the long dry summer. Change was in the air, magic was afoot, the sensation was palpable, and we knew we were standing on the precipice looking out over an expanded vista of possibilities. It was an exciting time!

We wandered around through the large atrium where there were people gathered in groups talking. Everywhere we went we felt welcomed and included, and the conversations were interesting and meaningful, mindful, insightful. 

There were sessions going on all day, and we had much to choose from, and as you who have been to conferences know, by the end of the day there is a huge amount to process. Feeling a little overwhelmed and over stimulated, we were getting ready to wind down for the night, and go find a quiet space to talk through some of the day's events... but then the totally unexpected happened...

Gabriel ran over to tell us that there was a wild fire burning somewhere near Bastrop. We  couldn't get any info from the TV at the hotel pub, so we went back outside right away. The wind was howling now. It was intense and penetrating. The sun was setting, darkness setting in. There was an ominous feeling in the air, and a sense of urgency gripped me.

 Suddenly everything disappeared except the screen of my computer, where I stayed glued throughout the rest of the night. I will always be grateful to the Facebook page: Bastrop County Office of Emergency Management, and the Weather Underground. It was horrifying! The news poured in and the graphics showed an enormous amount of land burning. Homes were burning. Our precious pine forest was burning. People were evacuating and leaving their belongings, their gardens, the homes they built and loved, their animals in some cases. Their work, materials. livelihoods, all they had created and lived for. It was burning. My friends who lived in the forest...their homes were burning. It was excruciating. Grievous. And what about the wild animals...and all of the horses, the goats, the cows, chickens. And the trees...the beautiful trees. The bone chilling reality of it knocked the wind out of us like getting kicked in the gut really hard.

We packed up early and left the next morning. It seemed like an endless drive home. Not only was Bastrop burning, there were fires all over Texas and the smell of smoke was in the air. 

Back in our neck of the woods, Hwy 71 was closed, so I took the back roads into Smithville, to find it eerily normal. Clear blue sky, kids riding bikes, the cats sleeping on the front porch...but my neighbors on both sides were gone, all of their vehicles gone, boats, RV's, everything. Hmmm... maybe they knew something. The fire was 0% contained, and the winds were strong and variable, and by this time the rumors were spreading as quickly as the fire...so I started packing the important papers, the baby and birthing pictures, the hand made heirlooms that my grandmother made, some important books, musical instruments, my dog's food and bed... and I was ready, just in case. 

I had no cell phone, no internet, no cable. It felt isolating. I took everything and drove to Austin where I could stay with John and stay more informed. 

The next day the fire was still not contained, but the winds had shifted and the fire was spreading out toward the north, and away from my little town...so I went back home. Again... Smithville was eerily normal. The neighbors hadn't returned, and it was strangely still and quiet, but today there were no kids riding bikes, the cats were no where to be found, not many cars on the roads, not much action at all. I was ready to go to the donation center to see if I could volunteer, but first, I thought Id check and see if I had cell phone. I did! So I checked to see if I had internet. I did! A miracle! Yay! Facebook! I could get some current info! 

I signed in and who's post was at the top of my page? Kandra Niagra!! She had seen her place and knew it was all gone, and she had posted her cell phone number. There was absolutely no thought, or pondering to it. I immediately called her, and to my great relief and delight, she answered!! Come!! I said! Really?? the doll maker replied...Yes Yes, come and stay with me, and so she did. 

As I waited for her to arrive, I sat on my front porch with my dog thinking about the creative life power and how it runs through us all the time. I knew that Kandra was one of the people who harnessed it and rode it through her life, and it brought  images to mind of all of the very creative people I know who were facing the same fate. I knew that there was a message in this disaster...I just wasn't sure what exactly the message was. My prayer for everyone in that moment was that they would keep on riding the wave of creativity, that they would see the opportunity to allow that powerful force of creation to flow through them again... and to witness from a place of awe, their own ability to continuously create. To be aware that the same forces that were with them in the creation of the homes and land they loved and lost, are still with them now, and will move through them again to rise from these ashes. 

I had been to Kandra's home, and I knew what an oasis of magical wonderment she had created... and the image of the sand Mandalas came to mind that are meticulously and lovingly and consciously created by Tibetan monks over weeks and months, only to be destroyed when completed, implicating the impermanence of everything, and non attachment to that which is impermanent. How in the world will everyone who has lost so much move forward and rebuild? The task seemed so daunting to me in that moment, and I felt a mixture great sadness and hope in my heart.

And then there she was...the little doll maker herself. Straight from the hellish scene of her charred space, with a little twinkle in her eye. We hugged in my front yard...I hadn't seen her in awhile, and it felt like no time at all had passed....And then she stepped back a bit, and in a very small voice, almost a whisper, so only I could hear, even though no one else was around...

She said, "You know, underneath all of this disaster, there is a little spark of excitement"!

I let out the breath I'd been holding, for I knew right then that this was going to be quite a ride... I knew right then, as many of you already know, that the doll maker was no ordinary person! And into my house we went. 

Well, what I can tell you is that a flurry of activity ensued. We talked and talked. We processed, and we were both, at the core of our beings, speaking the same language. Kandra was taking the high road. She was seeing through her own personal veil into the deep well of clarity, and she was bravely and nobly and with great grace and honor, being accountable for her present reality. She understood on a deep deep level that she was being liberated, freed, and unburdened. This, of course, is a personal account, and by no means the way it should be for anyone else...it is simply a tale being told of one individual's journey, and how our paths merged and  came together during this amazing transition.

The doll maker sprung into action. We set up a space in my dining room... well, actually, the dining room quickly became doll headquarters. Her computer went up... the word went out far and wide, and people responded. It was amazing. Beautiful people who care for and love the doll maker called, came, donated, and gave. Through the flames and smoke and ash and cinders came truckloads of fabric, exquisite fabric, luxurious fabric... truckloads!! A beautiful pixie came with yarns and ribbons and trim. Sweet friends gave flowers, trinkets, shiny objects, and findings... wonderful things. And sewing machines appeared from generous lovely people as well!!

The donation centers were bustling, FEMA delivered, insurance was settled upon, and business was taken care of. Shelves began appearing, and drawers to organize the quickly growing supply of goods, clothing, etc. The hallway in my home became another room for things, and we were merging our lives. I was and still am amazed at the ease in which all of this has taken place!! 

Precious Mason, Kandra's sweet and old wise man dog companion has lovingly integrated into the scene peacefully as well. 

And it seems that beneath the apparent disaster... a spark of excitement has indeed continued to sparkle! 

By now the legend of the Smokey Dolls is known pretty far and wide... how they survived, and witnessed the whole thing. The teaching studio still stands, all the beauty still intact within. A miracle to be sure. The heroes, to whom we will always always be grateful, the firefighters saved them!! They worked hard for all of us. They worked through their own loss and grief, and they worked until it was done. I love every one of them, even though I don't know any of them personally. Thank you thank you thank you. Deeply I bow to each of you.

Meanwhile, the Texas Renaissance Festival was knocking at the door, and there was no time to waste... there were more dolls to be made. Miracle of miracles, the Doula was between families, and not working during the entire month of Sept... so guess what?? Beside the fact that the Doll maker and the Doula have reunited, and a sisterhood from an ancient time and place realized...the Doula has become the Dollmaker's apprentice!!

What was I saying just before the fire??? Oh, to have time for creative expression in my life... something needs to change. I need to create space for my creativity to flow.

The saying goes "When the student is ready, the Teacher appears". This has been true in my life so far. In this case, I must admit, that the teaching is much more than in the art of doll making, although, this part of it has brought great fun and joy into my life! More layers though. The teacher is the experience, the conversation, the many aha moments, the growth, the expansion. Kandra is a wise woman, intelligent, interesting, and a facilitator of movement. We are in the fast moving stream! And I bow deeply to our unfolding journey together. The lessons of the experience have been so profound... but more on all of that perhaps another time.

Astrologer Allison Rae said in her current newsletter: We’re awakening more and more to the truth that the old wayes, the old forms, no longer serve. Life on Earth must be transformed. But the new has yet to be born.